Reflections: My Birthday

Reflections: One Decade Later

Sitting here listening to a truly genuine reggae mix, I begin to think about the last decade of my life and what the future will hold. I remember ten years ago as if it was yesterday. From starting public school and overcoming the challenges of discrimination faced by my peers and teachers and overcoming these things, to becoming eighteen and thinking that I knew it all to suddenly being lost. It’s funny how when you think you know it all you tend to become lost and don’t know much except fluff when it comes to the world and it’s troubles. I remember being eighteen and learning the responsibilities of being an adult. I always thought that when you got paid, that you can spend that money on yourself. Well, wrong answer obviously. I learned that just about everybody had their hand out and were looking for your money. Cell phone bills, cable bills, rent, electricity bills, by the time it was all said and done you don’t end up with much. Notorious B.I.G. always said more money more problems. Well, I believe that’s the case. I think we had two different meanings of “problems” though. His I believe were more temptation, but that’s another story. I thought that as long as you were committed to someone in a relationship that they would feel the same way towards you. Boy the hell was I wrong about that one! Took two false alarm engagements and a really scarred heart for me to figure that one out. I learned to take it really slow with a woman. I learned that it’s best to show her the equal amount of commitment in a relationship, or sometimes a little bit less, just so she can be right in her head and make sure she can handle that commitment. Otherwise it’s all too much and it just falls apart. I can’t help but wonder though… How would a woman feel if a man wouldn’t commit. I mean, a woman gets an engagement ring or a wedding ring and gets all prepared and proposes and the man just says, “Well, you know, I don’t know.” Oh, it’d be much different. See, as men we just have to go along with it. No fuss, no fight. No show of emotion. Don’t get mad at the woman, she just didn’t understand what she was doing. In that case, don’t do it then! So, to my men, be careful. Then again, there are truly women who want to commit and be in a good relationship, but to the women who don’t, well, don’t hurt the one that treats you right. You may find that it will come back and bite you in the ass later on. Don’t get me wrong, I am not resentful towards these women. I still love them as siters and friends. I think that’s pretty rare.

I also overcame my fears of having faith in God. Whew, what a change of subject! Just listing these things in order. So, I overcome my fears of having faith in God and decided to be saved and washed by the blood of Jesus Christ. I am a Christian, and I choose to serve God the best way that I can, all by his will. Alass, I’m still human, so I have some good and some bad. I am not perfect, and I don’t believe in putting myself or any other man or woman on a pedestal because they’re Christian. Why? Because when you become a Christian you admit that you’re a wretched sinner and you need to be as cleansed as anoyone else does. The same dirt was washed from your spirit. So, to those Christians, think you’re holier then thou? Well, be sure to remember that the blood of Jesus washed the same dirt off your spirit as the rest. You have no more of an exclusive kinship to God’s family as the rest of us. We are all God’s children.

So, not to draw it out, but I also overcame my blindness. I’m now independent.

I need not depend on no one to provide for me. I’m proud to be able to say that.

I still can’t believe that I’m 20. Yesterday was a good birthday. Had some breakfast, payed some bills, went out to lunch and then caught a movie with some friends and went to dinner.

Didn’t have any cake though, but hey, who needs cake? The better thing and the sweeter thing is that I’ve made it another day and another year.

I hope to see many more. Last thing I accomplised was recent. I got married to the most wonderful woman in the world, Afiya Jackson. She’s always been there for me. She’s helped me to mature and grow as a person, and taught me that not all women are going to break your heart. She taught me that not all want you just because you might spend money on them. Not all just want to get with you because they’re sympathetic. Now I’m anticipating raising our family!

Thanks for reading!

Shouts out to Portia, Nia, Roxie, my pastor and his wife, and many others for wishing me a happy birthday!

I appreciate you all.

Mom and Dad, I _love you! Thanks for raising me to be the man that I am today. Thanks for always being there for me. Thanks for supporting me through it all. Thanks for being you.

Thank God for another year, and the main man Mr. Jesus Christ!

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~ by DJ GFire on March 2, 2010.

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